Just took my morning after pill in the library
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
