We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
