Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize