I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
