Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
