Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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