I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
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you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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