kristin has been a bad kristin
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
