I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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