woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
