I bet he comes in French.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
