Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
