this beer tastes like vomit already
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
