Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
