it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
