Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
