I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
