if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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