So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
