But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
