Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your penis caused this!
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