so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
