Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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