Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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