I think I died a long time ago.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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