I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
