I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
