Say something about gay babies.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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