I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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