please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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