Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
