were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I showed him my bush... on skype.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
