she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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