Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
