i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
