Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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