the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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