the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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