I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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