Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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