I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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