508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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