I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
