So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
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