It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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