Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
