worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
