Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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