Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
