Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize