I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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