Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
