okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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