Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
