My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
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Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
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I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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