For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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