where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
