It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
