what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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