How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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