i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
