She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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