Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
