When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's never too late to be topless.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
