i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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