I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
