all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
