You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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