If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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