he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
