god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize